19 December 2015 + Love Dare Day 19

Reading & Memorising Scripture

Scripture:

• Psalm 51

Observations:

The instruction today is actually to take this passage and make it my own prayer. I'm kinda going to do that, but I'm going to break it down into elements first.

1. Deal with me through your love and grace, O God, and deal mercifully with me
2. Wash me from my sin
3. I am aware of my sin and how I have sinned against you
4. My very nature is sin, though you delight in  truth and give wisdom
5. Cleanse me. Make me new, that I may rejoice and do not remove yourself from me
6. Deliver me and I will point others to you
7. I know what you desire in worship and will bring you such praise

Application:

To pray that

Prayer:

(In private)

~ ~ ~

The Love Dare

Day 19: Love is Impossible

"...[Y]ou cannot manufacture unconditional love (or agape love) out of your own heart."

I'm becoming aware of this. It's true. Everything I try to do in and of myself feels like wallpapering over the cracks. It's only through God that true love can come into my life and be extended to my wife.

"You can’t give what you don’t have.  You can’t call up inner reserves and resources that aren’t there to be summoned. ... So the hard news is this:  love that is able to withstand every pressure is out of your reach, as long as you’re only looking within yourself to find it.  You need someone who can give you that kind of love. ... [O]nly those who have received the Spirit of Christ through belief in His death and resurrection...are able to tap into love’s real power."

This kinda ties into the scripture passage above. The psalm actually has the title given to it, "Create in Me a Clean Heart". It's through Christ's renewing power that we are able to love genuinely and truly. Without him, we can only hope to do good things or be generally nice to each other. With him, we have hope for transformative love.

18 December 2015 + Love Dare Day 18

Reading & Memorising Scripture

Scripture:

• 1 Corinthians 10:13

Observations:

This is something I'm learning through this whole process.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man - At the base level, all sins come from the same set of base desires and not only this, but there is never a truly unique sin. Regardless of your sin, there is someone who's been there before and could give insight into how they overcame it.

God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability - God doesn't want us to fall into sin, but he does want us to learn and grow. Sometimes the temptation may seem overwhelming, but it will always be manageable, defeatable. We just need to cling to God for strength.

... but with the temptation he will provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. - Like I was saying above, God provides the strength and victory. He is the one who provides our way out, that we can learn to trust him, to endure sin, and to grow more resistant to temptation.

This passage is one of hope and reliance upon God for a number of reasons.

• In the middle of sin, we often feel alone
• In the middle of sin, we often feel outmatched
• In the middle of sin, we often feel there's no way out

These are three lies used by our flesh and Satan to keep us enslaved to sin instead of moving towards God.

Application:

Well, I need to memorise this verse - it will go a long way to helping me keep hope and a right perspective as I go through life combatting my sin.

I need to keep the reminder that I am not alone, that I am not outmatched, and that there is a way out. I just need to keep clinging to God.

~ ~ ~

The Love Dare

Day 18: Love Seeks to Understand

17 December 2015 + Love Dare Day 17

Reading & Memorising Scripture

Scriptures:

• James 1:14

Observations:

"But each person is tempted when he is lured away and enticed by his own desires."

This comes from the middle of a short passage talking about where temptation comes from and what it leads to. Temptation, James writes, does not come from God, but, as we see above, from within one's own desires. He then goes on to say that temptation, when allowed to conceive gives birth to sin and sin to death.

I like that imagery of temptation conceiving, by the way. I took a look into the definition of conceive and what I found on dictionary.com really illustrates beyond the imagery of pregnancy and birth:

• To form a notion or idea of, to imagine
• To experience or form (a feeling)
• To hold as an opinion, think, believe
• Derived from the Latin, concipere - to take fully, to take in

So, how then does sin progress?

Our flesh acts out of a base desire and brings forth a tantalising morsel, something tempting. We allow the morsel to take root. We think on it. We dwell on it. We take it in. When the temptation has fully taken root, it leads us to sin.

Note, temptation never presents itself as something ugly or detrimental. No one would fall for it, then. No, temptation presents itself as innocuous or pleasant and allows itself to grow. That being said, it is possible to become completely desensitized and enslaved to sin, at which point, there is no need for the slow, creeping front of subtle enticement - the temptation can present itself full frontal, as bold as brass, knowing it will be readily accepted.

Application:

I need to be wise, canny to the methods of temptation used by my sinful nature and the devil. As I've been combating sin more militantly, I've noticed temptation coming by more guerrilla routes. Instead of "Think lustful thoughts about this person," I'm faced with something more like, "Hey, remember this person?" I know the voice, the source of the thoughts and I know where I will be railroaded. The trick is to be aware and to lean on God for his discernment. If I spend time seeking God, learning his voice, then I will be able to discern what is not him. I'm still raw and green in my war. I need to maintain godly vigilance, but I also need to keep away from the sin trap that I can do it all on my own, or that I can gloss over details in confession to paint a better picture of myself. These, too, are sins. They're just different sins, but they'll compromise us in our war against more obvious, immediately damaging sins.

~ ~ ~

The Love Dare

Day 17: Love Promotes Intimacy

""The prospect of sharing our home with another person who knows us down to the most intimate detail is part of the deep pleasure of marriage. Yet this great blessing is also the site of its greatest danger. Someone who knows us this intimately can either love us at a depth we never imagined, or can wound us in ways we may never fully recover from."

 Thus far, true.

"If home is not considered a place of safety, you will both be tempted to seek it somewhere else.  Perhaps you might look to another person initiating a relationship that either flirts with adultery or actually enters in.  You may look for comfort in work or outside hobbies, something that partially shields you from intimacy but also keeps you around people who respect and accept you." 

Umm, definitely.

"Your mate should not feel pressured to be perfect in order to receive your approval.  They should not walk on eggshells in the very place where they ought to feel the most comfortable in their bare feet. " 

Can y'all stop reading my mind and confronting me with the attitudes and perceptions that led me to my sin?

"Admittedly, this is tender territory.  Marriage has unloaded another person’s baggage into your life, and yours into theirs. ... Some of these secrets may need correcting.  Therefore, you can be an agent of healing and repair – not by lecturing, not by criticizing, but by listening in love and offering support. Some of these secrets just need to be accepted.  They are part of this person’s make-up and history.  And though these issues may not be very pleasant to deal with, they will always require a gentle touch."

 Oy vey. Here's the kicker. I didn't do the stuff listed here very well, if at all. Instead, I did three of the four things listed in the second quote and set myself on the path towards the remaining one. Instead of dealing with our differences and personal issues in a healthy way, I turned off and started looking for things outside my marriage in an attempt to satisfy my needs and personal problems.

"In either case, you and you alone wield the power either to reject your spouse because of this or to welcome them in – warts and all.  They will either know they’re in a place of safety where they are free to make mistakes, or they will recoil into themselves and be lost to you, perhaps forever.  Loving them well should be your life’s work."

This is what I'm learning. It's what I'm trying to do, not as an outward whitewashing of my own struggles and an external temporary fix, but actually as a heart change that will last.

"This may be an area where you’ve really failed in the past. If so, don’t expect your mate to immediately give you wide-open access to their heart.  You must begin to rebuild trust. ... The reality of intimacy always takes time to develop, especially after being compromised.  But your commitment to re-establishing it can happen today – for anyone willing to take the dare."

16 December 2015 + Love Dare Day 16

Prayer
      7. Asking for Help

Scripture:

• Hebrews 4:16

Observations:

Okay, so, we're seeing that we can come before God, to receive grace and mercy in times of need.

That's all well and generous of God, but why? Doesn't God hate our sin? Why would I, a sinner, ever be able to come before God?

Well, let's look one verse earlier

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." Heb 4:15

Guys, Jesus has been there. You're struggling with lust? Jesus has been there. Doubt? Jesus has been there. Stealing? Jesus has been there. Yes, Jesus understands temptation. He was both fully man and fully God, remember? The verse immediately prior to this, calls Jesus our "great high priest". There is nothing we go through that Christ has not gone through and overcome. The whole point of a high priest, as the author describes in ch. 5, is to act on behalf of men to God, offering gifts and sacrifices, because he, the high priest, is able to deal with the sinful, because he himself faces these same weaknesses.

Therefore, as the author of Hebrews later proclaims, let us keep our eyes on Jesus, who is the progenitor and perfector of our faith, who endured the cross, shouldered our sins, and is now seated in heaven with God.

Now, there's one word that I left out in my little summary at the beginning. That word is confidence.

Guys, we have confidence to come before God. It's not like in ancient times, where coming before the king unbidden could warrant death. No, we have the invitation because of Christ. We can come before God confidently to receive mercy and grace.

And what's the goal of receiving mercy and grace? That we may find help in time of need.

Overcoming sin is a time of need. It's a perfectly good reason to come before God. I mean, we have the ability to come before God, we have need of what God gives, and, with what God gives, we have the ability to draw even closer to him. Why would we not come to God?

Application:

Having had a breakthrough yesterday, I am reminded to not leap into a sense of plastic optimism. I still have my sins. I still have issues to work through. I still have core, heart issues that need to change for any external change to stick.

I cannot be ignorant of my problems now, just as I was not ignorant of them yesterday. Instead, I need to continue in sober-minded hope. I still need to come before God in humility. I still need to seek his strength, grace, and mercy.

This passage, or more, God's revelation to my initial ambivalence when reading this passage, has reminded me to stay the course.

It's kinda like taking DOTS therapy for TB. It's a six-month course of antibiotics, but you feel better after week 1. The problem is, if you stop when you feel better, the infection is still present, merely dormant, and will reappear later, stronger and more resistant to what treatment you were using.

~ ~ ~

The Love Dare

Day 16: Love Intercedes

"Beyond this, begin to pray for exactly what your mate needs.  Pray for his heart.  Pray for her attitude. Pray for your spouse’s responsibilities before God.  Pray for truth to replace lies.  Pray for forgiveness would replace bitterness.  Pray for your heart’s desires – for love and honor to become the norm.  Pray for romance and intimacy to go to a deeper level."

I wholeheartedly agree with this. I think, in some ways, the Love Dare has been hard to take seriously, because a lot of it is common sense to me, that I tend to think I'm doing, even though the evidence shows otherwise. This is one of those things, but I totally realise I need to not be flippant about. Praying for my wife is super important, especially as she's the one hurt. I need to pray for her that she may overcome her hurt and pain, just as I pray that I may be able to love her better.

15 December 2015 + Love Dare Day 15

Prayer
      7. Asking for Help

Scripture:

• Philippians 4:6-7

Observations:

The last time we looked at this passage, I was in a state of anxiety and stress, relieved by the word of God telling me to not be anxious and that God is the source of peace.

Today, I'm in a different spot. Somewhat better, maybe, but different regardless. Also, today's thrust is different.

Through much calmer lenses, I see, "... but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." 

In everything, we are to submit our requests. There is no situation too big for God. There is no sin too despicable. There is no circumstance too awkward. We can and are to come to him in everything - in times of joy, in times of hardship, in times of sin, in times of blessing. We come and seek him for his strength, his provision, and his peace. We come asking for forgiveness or aid. Sometimes, we come simply to praise.

In everything, pray.

Application:

This is something I'm learning to do, especially where habitual sin is involved. There is a small amount of resistance I am able to give out of my own strength, but why rely solely on my strength to merely resist, when I can call on God for the strength to not merely resist, but repulse temptation?

In everything, pray.

~ ~ ~

The Love Dare

Day 15: Love is Honourable

At the beginning of the article, everything being described as what honour is made great sense and I had no trouble nodding in agreement. Then they changed tack to a different word, "Holy".

This caught my attention, because I had been called out by and confessed to my wife regarding a friendship with a woman which I had set apart within myself as "inviolate" - that is, I would not allow my sin to touch it and thereby sully it like everything else I touch in this time of recovering from sin. I had good intentions, but I'd allowed my pride in being able to have a "normal", "healthy" friendship tie myself to that relationship in some very unhealthy ways, to the point of getting defensive for that particular person, which is what clued me in that something was not right.

The only relationship that I should be holding as inviolate is the one with my wife. The only person who should be honoured, praised, or defended in such a manner is my wife. 

"Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine."

14 December 2015 + Love Dare Day 14

Prayer
      6.  Thanking God

Scripture:

• Colossians 4:2

Observations:

"Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving."

This seems like such a simple passage.

Continue steadfastly in prayer... - Obviously, keep praying, but what does "Steadfast" mean? - To be resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering. So, we need to be resolute, committed, disciplined, unceasing, indefatigable in prayer. That's the first part.

... being watchful in it with thanksgiving - I'm trying to put this one together. Other translations replace "watchful" with "alert" or "on guard". Some simplify it to not falling asleep while in prayer. I think it could mean something along the lines of being present or aware, not mentally checking out and focusing on other things. The key, then, to this, as Paul writes, is thankfulness.That makes sense to me. If I approach God with a spirit of thankfulness for the time he's given me, for the access of prayer, why would I take it lightly. Why would I take anything of God lightly, then?

Application:

Well, there are two sides of this coin. The first is to be more disciplined in my praying. To pray regularly and reliably. The second is to be more present in my prayer, not allowing myself to be distracted or treating prayer like a time sink, but to relish it for the opportunity it is.

~ ~ ~

The Love Dare

Day 14: Love Takes Delight

This segment is talking about leading your heart to love instead of letting your heart lead you with any present emotion.

"Instead, it’s time to lead your heart to once again delight in your mate.  Enjoy your spouse.  Take her hand and seek her companionship. Desire his conversation.  Remember why you fell in love with her personality.  Accept this person – quirks and all – and welcome him or her back into your heart."

I remember trying to do this early on into my recovery and I remember my wife telling me she loved it and missed it when, the following week, it disappeared because I was too stressed and busy to give it much thought. That's something I need to improve upon. I all too easily bottle my emotions up and never show what I'm feeling, which also means I never let my feelings out in a good, controlled manner. For my wife, then, it makes it difficult for her to feel treasured and it makes it difficult for me to delight in her, because I'm not allowing myself to feel.