2 January 2016 + Love Dare Day 29

Reading & Memorising Scripture

Scripture:

• Proverbs 6:25-29

Observations:

We already know the "don'ts". What I want to focus on is the "playing with fire" aspect. Solomon is asking two important questions to those lusting after another woman and/or considering adultery if not actually committing it.

"Can a man scoop fire into his lap without being burned?"

Can a man entertain thoughts of lust without them affecting his mind or actions?
Can a man have a mere "harmless" affair?

"Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?"

Can a man begin to walk down dangerous paths without coming to some kind of harm?

Solomon sums it up: "So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no-one who touches her will go unpunished."

There is no such thing as a harmless sin, especially regarding sexual sin. There will always be some effect on the sinner and collateral damage to those the sinner's close to.

So, drawing to Solomon's first statement, "Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes."

Men, we need to be on guard and ready for temptation. Sometimes it is in the form of a woman actively tempting you. Other times it is all in your mind - an invitation to look more deeply or to fantasize.

What's interesting is that verse 26 describes some of the effect of adultery and sexual sin, that a prostitute will bring one to beggary and an affair with an adulterous woman will cost one one's life. From these ideas come the questions about playing with fire. Do you really think you're immune from the ruin that will inevitably come? Are you immune to poverty and ruin? Are you immune to losing your life? Sexual sin is like a fire in many ways: it looks very warm and enticing, but when you reach out to grab hold of it, you are left with only blistering wounds.

Application:

Well, seeing as I kinda laid this whole breakdown in a reverse/senseless order, let's try and pull it together.

Stay away from lust and sexual sin; such matters will ruin you. You think you're special or unique, that you won't be burned, but you will be - no-one who engages in such a sin goes unpunished.

I know I need to keep a conscious reminder of the dangers of sexual sin. Many times, I treat it as an irritation that needs to be cast off, like a leech or a cancer on my back, when in truth it is a burning poison that needs to be purged from me and avoided at all costs, lest I be destroyed.

~ ~ ~

The Love Dare

Day 29: Love's Motivation

"When God is your reason for loving, your ability to love is guaranteed."

A true statement and one that the authors demonstrate first an a parent-respecting manner, but then expand to other spheres"

"Work. “Do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men” (Colossians 3:23).

Service. “Obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord” (Colossians 3:22). 

Everything. “Work hard at “whatever you do … knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance.  It is the Lord Christ whom you serve” (Colossians 3:23-24). 

Even marriage. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18).  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). The love that’s demanded from you in marriage is not dependent on your mate’s sweetness or suitability.  The love between a husband and wife should have one chief objective: honoring the Lord with devotion and sincerity.  The fact that it blesses our beloved in the process is simply a wonderful, additional benefit." 

 That last bit, that marriage's love is independent of you spouse's character or attitude is very telling for me. I know I'm guilty of being a conditional lover. I'll love when I feel like it or when I'm in the mood and/or feel loved. Instead, I need to be loving my wife out of a desire to honour God, using the love given to me by God.

This is a lot of control issues here. I need to give up my ability to fight sin to God and wait on him for his deliverance. I need to give up my in-/ability to love my wife and instead submit to God for both the timing and motivation. Living after God is very sacrificial and I'm very much a control freak.

1 January 2016 + Love Dare Day 28

Reading & Memorising Scripture

Scripture:

• Psalm 101:2-3

Observations:

Here, we have four statements:

I will ponder the way that is blameless - This ties in to the last couple days. Don't dwell on your sin or temptations, feast your mind on Christ and things of Christ

I will walk with integrity of heart within my house - Within our houses, our homes, is where the effects of our hidden sins come back to haunt us. If you're engaging in things outside of your marriage, you will be most aware of it when under the attention of your family, your spouse especially, who are able to tell if something's off. What the psalmist is writing, then, is that he will conduct himself with such integrity within his heart that he can walk with confidence within his own house.

I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless - What is worthless? What has no value? Ultimately, it is anything which does not propel you before God. In the context of sin, then, temptations, invitations to sin are worthless. That could be flyers for a casino, a romance novel, pornography. Heck, it could even be your neighbour's house, if it tempts you to covetousness. Do not look at or allow yourself to process and reflect on anything which causes you to sin, let alone sins themselves.

I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me - We should have an attitude that despises sin. Not only that, but we should be so steeped in prayer that sin rolls off us like water off a raincoat.

Application:

1. I continue to seek after God and seek to dwell upon his truth
2. I will continue to build integrity in my heart, not allowing myself to fall prey to fantasy or the "need" to impress
3. I will continue to remove temptations from my presence or myself from temptation
4. I will continue to hate my sin and not associate with those who would encourage it

~ ~ ~

The Love Dare

Day 28: Love Makes Sacrifices

"[T]he only way we notice that life is hard for our mate is when they start complaining about it.  Then instead of genuinely caring or rushing in to help, we might think they just have a bad attitude.  The pain and pressure they’re under don’t register with us the way it does when it’s our pain and pressure."

I think if my wife could really hone in on the one thing I do the worst/least, it's this. My emotional availability is, frankly, at the scope to which I use it, which is almost nonexistent. I quite literally use emotional awareness to pick up on certain social cues and to get myself out of trouble, which is very detrimental to a marriage, especially one to a dominant feeler. (If you want to go all MBTI, I'm an ENTP, she's an ISFJ).

"This doesn’t happen when love is at work.  Love doesn’t have to be jarred awake by your mate’s obvious signs of distress.  Before worries and troubles have begun to bury them, love has already gone into action mode.  It sees the weight beginning to pile up and it steps in to help. ... Love makes sacrifices.  It keeps you so tuned in to what your spouse needs that you often respond without being asked.  And when you don’t notice ahead of time and must be told what’s happening, love responds to the heart of the problem."

This is how I should be acting. This is how I've been asked to act (and I'm pretty sure it stings that she even had to ask me). I don't have this concept of intentionality and attentiveness down very well.

"Is he “hungry” – needing you sexually, even when you don’t feel like it?Is she “thirsty” – craving the time and attention you seem to be able to give everyone else?Does he feel like a “stranger” – insecure in his work, needing home to be a refuge and sanctuary?Is she “naked” – frightened or ashamed, desperate for the warm covering of your loving affirmation?Is he feeling “sick” – physically tired and needing you to help guard him from interruptions?Does she feel in “prison” – fearful and depressed, needing some safety and intervention?"

Even I, in my callous state can see my wife is struggling with some of these issues. That is, I see them now, when someone's asking specifically about them, but in the moment, that's not what I see, partly because of the blue/pink language gap, but partly because emotionally, I'm not present and I don't read between the lines for what the real problem is.

31 December 2015 + Love Dare Day 27

Reading & Memorising Scripture

Scripture:

• 2 Timothy 2:22

Observations:

So, today's passage discusses what I was talking about yesterday.

So flee youthful passions - It's interesting how lust and desires of the flesh are considered "youthful passions". It's almost as though Paul is saying that a mature believer is set apart by his indulgences and sins... Oh wait...

Also, note that we're to flee them. Paul isn't saying to entertain them, humour them, or any other such thing. Just leave. If you need to step outside for a breath of fresh air and a prayer, do so. If you need to close our eyes, do so. Whatever you do, just flee these temptations.

and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace - In our fleeing sin, we must remember to also pursue God, lest we find ourselves stumbling into another sin. These things, also, are fruits that come from seeking God, righteousness, being one not mentioned yesterday. Righteousness is "The quality of being morally right or justifiable," or, in this case, being in a justified standing with God. We cannot be righteous if we are engaging in sin. Instead, we must be pursuing righteousness in God, the ultimate standard for righteousness.

along with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart - Who we associate with will help or hinder us in our pursuit of Christ. Think of it this way: if a recovering alcoholic were to hang around with a bunch of drinkers, how successful do you think he would be? Similarly, we need to be selective about who we allow to come alongside us and spur us towards God. I'm not saying don't interact with the world - Christ told us specifically to carry the gospel to all ends of the earth. I'm saying be selective about who you allow to pour into you. If I spend time with a bunch of guys who regularly objectify women, make dirty jokes, and splurge on porn and/or prostitutes, I will find myself, over time, being dragged down to their level. If I spend time with guys who are actively seeking God and encouraging each other in their own personal relationships with God, over time, my relationship with God will improve.

Application:

What is my behaviour? Am I making lewd jokes, ogling women, or entertaining lustful thoughts or fantasies? These things I need to continue fleeing, keeping a conscious watch on my mind and attitude, to train myself to flee from such things

Am I pursuing righteousness, faith, love and peace? These things I need to continue seeking, training myself to move towards God with intentionality not just in my daily time with God, but in times of temptation as I'm fleeing.

Who am I associating with? Are the friends I'm making in class ones who will spur me on towards God? If they are, I need to seek out and deepen their friendship. If not, I need to cut them off.

~ ~ ~

The Love Dare

Day 27: Love Encourages

"Love puts the focus on personal responsibility and improving yourself rather than on demanding more from others."

I love this statement. In the middle of talking about how love allows the other to be human, not burdening them down with your expectations, moving to the idea of living by encouragement, not expectations.

"Don’t you want married life to be a place where you can enjoy free expression of who you are, growing within a safe environment that encourages you even when you fail?  Your spouse does too – and love gives them that privilege." 

30 December 2015 + Love Dare Day 26

Reading & Memorising Scripture

Scripture:

• Philippians 4:8

Observations:

When you're thinking about battling sin, this verse is not often one which comes to mind, but it plays on an idea that's very important.  We cannot focus solely on not sinning, especially when it comes to the mind.

This passage isn't saying "Whatever is false, whatever is dishonourable, whatever is unjust, whatever is defiled, whatever is unlovely, whatever is reprimandible, if there is any failure, if there is anything deplorable, don't think about these things"

No, on the contrary, the passage is telling us to think about things which are true, honourable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy. Simply not thinking about sin isn't enough. If we focus completely on not sinning, we lose sight of God and, eventually, will sin. If we focus on God and the things of God, we will find ourselves both moving closer to God and not sinning.

Now, again, it's easier to try and white knuckle sin, to try and discipline ourselves with such great discipline that sin is bound by the same fetters that bound the mythical Fenris wolf. I can vouch first-hand that such strategies can work. I can also vouch that they rob you of your joy and still have the capacity to fail.

In times of temptation, it's not enough to avoid the thought pattern that is presented to us - we will still find backdoor ways to "not think" about the temptation and so, still give in to sin. We need to replace the thoughts. One thing I'd read was a recommendation to pray for those whom you are tempted to think sinfully about. Sometimes, that works, but if you're going in your own strength it's the same as a back door. What Paul is recommending to the Philippians, though this passage is not specifically about sin, is to fill their mind with things of God on the course of seeking righteousness through Christ.

Application:

Let's practice some thought replacement:

• What are the lies being told to me? What are God's truths?
• How am I tempted to think dishonourably? What is the honourable thought?
• Where is the injustice in my thought? What would instead be just?
• What of my thoughts are defiled? What is God's pure intention?
• What of my thoughts are ugly or unlovely? What thoughts would show love?
• What of my thoughts would others reprimand me for? What is the commendable inverse?
• Am I dwelling in my failure? Where has God given me success?
• What am I punishing myself for? Where am I worthy of praise?

I tend to share Augustine's stance that evil is not an entity of itself, but rather the absence, corruption, or lessening of good. Evil is the direct contradiction of what God has established, the twisting and fouling of what God has made, or the exchange of God's perfection, commands, and desires for lesser things.

Simply removing the absences and perversions of good, along with lesser goods leaves behind a void which will be filled most easily by our conditioning, which would then restock the individual with the same or worse evils. Overwriting ourselves to think about Godly things, goodly things, drowns out evil and, when the two strategies are employed together, can serve to uproot and replace the evils we've bought in to.

Now, here's the catch, being by nature imperfect, I cannot provide true Godly substitution. All the goods that I am able to conceive either come from God or are inherently flawed. Chocolate is true, honourable, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy, but if I replace evil with chocolate, then I am still sinning, because I am still resorting to a lesser good than God.

~ ~ ~

The Love Dare

Day 26: Love is Responsible

"We tend to believe that our views are correct, or at least much more correct than our mate’s.  And we don’t believe that anybody, give our same set of circumstances, would act much differently than we have.  As far as we’re concerned, we’re doing the best we can.  And our spouse just ought to be glad we’re as good to them as we are. But love doesn’t pass the blame so easily or justify selfish motives.  Love is not nearly as concerned with its own performance as with other’s needs.  When love takes responsibility for its actions, it’s not to prove how noble you’ve been but rather to admit how much further you have to go. Love doesn’t make excuses.  Love keeps working to make a difference – in you and in your marriage."

It's a wall of text, but it's one I associate with very much. I always have my defense ready, full of ways and reasons to explain and pardon myself from my actions, oftentimes with very little remorse. Love should be less concerned with the appearance of the self and more concerned about the state of the other.

"That’s why the next time you’re in an argument with your spouse, instead of working up your comebacks, stop and see if there’s something worth listening to in what your mate is saying.  What might happen in your relationship if instead of passing blame, you first admitted your own wrongs? ... Love is responsible and is willing to admit and correct its faults and errors up front.  Are you taking responsibility for this person you chose for yourself as the love of your life? ... Are you taking responsibility for your own faults?"

Also true. However, let's note quickly that admitting your own wrongs doesn't get you off the hook. Admitting you were wrong doesn't make the situation better. It just makes you more bearable to the person you hurt.

29 December 2015 + Love Dare Day 25

Reading & Memorising Scripture

Scripture:

• Galatians 5:17

Observations:

This is a very true statement, so much so that it seems obvious, but that, of course, is because I've grown up in Christianity.

One of the key concepts in Christianity is the process of sanctification. When someone becomes a Christian, they are considered "saved". "Saved" however, is a complex concept, describing the rescuing of the individual from sin. The manner by which that is effected, however, is broken into three parts:

• Justification - The immediate removal our bondage to sin and punishment due thereunto
• Sanctification - The progressive work of the Holy Spirit moulding us in Christ's likeness
• Glorification - The final removal of sin in its entirety in eternity

So, if someone were to ask a theologian whether he or she was saved, that person might answer, saying "Yes, partially, and no," and be perfectly correct.

What this passage is talking about is the dichotomy of flesh vs Spirit, or our old, sinful nature vs our new, Christlike nature. It is talking about the process of sanctification in which we wage war against our sinful desires which keep us from drawing closer to God. It is a reminder that the urges of the flesh are opposed to the spirit.

Now, I must make a distinction between fleshly and bodily urges. Bodily urges, such as the need for food and drink, sexual desire, tiredness/sleepiness, the need to use the bathroom, these are all normal, good things. Fleshly desires are those which run contrary to God, such as gluttony, lust, acting on sexual desires outside of marriage, laziness, etc.

So, we must be aware of these fleshly desires if we are to continue growing in Christlikeness, that we can identify and deny them, that they would not stunt our growth and development.

Application:

I need to check my motivations for what I do. Am I going on Facebook to use it to communicate or will I simply be scrolling aimlessly, setting myself up for temptation? What books am I reading? What movies am I watching? Am I doing things that, although they may fall into grey areas, would weaken me to resist temptation? Am I doing things that bypass the grey area and function as a gateway?

I need to act and interact with wisdom and discernment.

~ ~ ~

The Love Dare

Day 25: Love Forgives

"[F]orgiveness doesn’t absolve anyone of blame.  It doesn’t clear their record with God.  It just clears you of having to worry about how to punish them.  When you forgive another person, you’re not turning them loose.  You’re just turning them over to God, who can be counted on to deal with them His way."

Forgiveness is one thing I have been taught to do from a young age, so it's sometimes something I take for granted. It's a very powerful act, forgiveness, for the above reason. It's basically saying to the person you're forgiving that you're no longer burdening yourself over the hurt they've done to you and have set yourself free to restoration and growth. It's arguably the most hopeful thing that can be given to a repentant offender (I speak as one).

28 December 2015 + Love Dare Day 24

Reading & Memorising Scripture

Scripture:

• 1 Corinthians 6:13

Observations:

This passage is in the beginning of a segment in 1 Corinthians in which Paul is making an argument against sexual immorality. Starting in verse 12, we see him addressing common arguments used by the Corinthians to justify their behaviours:

• "All things are lawful for me" - Not all things are helpful and I will not be dominated by anything.
• "Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food" - God will destroy them both in their time

The Corinthians were using arguments common to today, used even by Christians. They were using God's grace and forgiveness (See Romans), political legality, and the apparent, "necessary" nature of sexual desire (described as akin to physical hunger) to justify acting out in sexual sin. Listen to Paul's response, though:

"The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body."

Paul is pointing the Church back to God here. We are intended to honour and revere God. So, while all things may be lawful or permissible, are we fulfilling our purpose of honouring God? Has God given us a means of gratifying our sexual needs that also honours him? The answer to the second is yes, through marriage. The answer to the first, though, depends on the individual and requires some introspection. For me, my answer would be "No". I could squirrel away details and say that I am doing better about honouring God than I was, but regardless, I'm still not perfect. At the end of the day, in a black-and-white, yes/no scenario, my answer will always be "No".

I am not perfect. God, in his holiness, demands a "Yes" for us to be fit to even enter his presence, but because of my sin, my imperfection, I will always be short of  "Yes". This is where the grace of  God comes in. Because God loves us, God reached out in his mercy to provide a means, through perfect fulfillment of the law he had established, for a "Yes" to be credited to us. That's the beauty of the cross. Jesus Christ, in his perfection, in his manhood, and in his Godhood, voluntarily took the burden of our imperfections and endured the punishment required, that he may stand on our behalf as our advocate and credit us with his "Yes".

This understanding leads Paul to really hammer home his point on sexual immorality later in this passage as he exhorts us to glorify God in our bodies. How, then, can we continue in our sin, in the light of such great mercy?

Application:

To trust in the power of God to overcome my sin and to cease, from my side, engaging in sin. I must be firm and resolute against my sin, but I cannot begin to believe I can do it all on my own. True obedience will only ever come from a genuine desire and love for God.

~ ~ ~

The Love Dare

Day 24: Love vs. Lust

"So we set our eyes and hearts on seeking worldly pleasure.  We try to meet legitimate needs in illegitimate ways. ...We try to be discreet but barely turn our eyes away.  And once our eyes are capture by curiosity, our hearts become entangled. ... Our hearts are deceived into saying, 'I could be happy if I only had this.'"

The authors started off acknowledging that God has provided for all of our needs and many of our desires, that we should want for nothing. I like the definition the authors give for lust, that is is setting our hearts and passions on something forbidden, like a coworker, an actress, or even a new sports car. It tempts us to seek the satisfaction we should find in God in these other things. When ever did a new car completely satisfy you? When did an affair ever meet the totality of your needs? They don't. They can't, and yet we buy into the lie that they can like a fish does a lure.

Lust is an ever-growing emptiness, calling for more and greater things to fill its hunger as it draws us further and further from the one thing that can truly satisfy us.

"Are you tired of being lied to by lust?  Are you fed up with believing that forbidden pleasures are able to keep you happy and content?  Then begin setting your eyes on the Word of God.  Let His promises of peace and freedom work their way into your heart. ... And while you’re at it, set your eyes and heart on your spouse again."